I had a terrible dream last night. Was so weird cos I was in a row of houses in the village I used to live in and ended up trying to find refuge in the Vicarage...so weird..... The Hassle was trying to kill me -they had managed to burn me several times but was trying to kill me. My other half and my mum were running after us too trying to make them stop. I have no idea what made me dream this but it really shook me up again which is stupid cos its just a dream - woke up in a sweat and now all morning I have been thinking of it. Stupid I know.

Had a drunken conversation with my fiance after an amazing night out on Saturday. I told him how I wished things could be different and we could have the connection in our lives, and how much I loved the connection and no-one could ever stop me from loving them. He said he couldn't have asked for someone more understanding and more supportive to be with, and how he hoped the connection could one day meet us both and see how much they are loved by the rest of their family. We don't doubt that they are loved or being cared for properly, but it is sad that they are not allowed to have the rest of their family in their life, but they will never know what they are missing cos they have never had it.

I don't think I will ever stop thinking of the whole situation for the rest of my life, but I am definitely progressing in terms of how often I think about it and the way I think about it. I don't think worry as much anymore, although I must admit I am naughty - cos I know things are being looked at I do make comments intentionally......but never untrue comments or nasty comments or anything like that - just stuff about how good life is and stuff - which it is. I can honestly say that right now my life is almost perfect. The one thing missing I can't do anything about - but for now life is very very almost perfect.

xx