Been quite angry & upset these past 2 days but thanks to the words of someone I am feeling a lot better and realise, as she told me, that there are terribly narrow minded people around and things are never cut and dried like some people seem to think they are.

We all like to think that in certain situations we would act a certain way - but the truth is we cannot honestly say that we would definitely definitely do something.....you can't say you would run into a burning building to rescue someone, you can't say you would fight back if being attacked, you can't say you'd step in if you saw a crime being committed - you can't say that if worst came to worst and your partner hurt you badly that you wouldnt use your child to hurt them.....of course we'd like to all think we'd do the "right" thing - but what we should do and what we actually do are two very different things.

But what is the "right" thing? The "right" thing is not for onlookers to decide, the right thing to do is what you believe is the best for yourself and everyone involved no matter how wrong, or odd others think it is. Its nothing to do with people on the sidelines who offer their opinion. Everyone is entitled to make their own decisions and it hasn't got anything to do with people who have never experienced it, only hear what they want to hear and make very judgemental criticisms. You can't please everyone all of the time, and you will never receive 100% agreement with your decisions in life whatever they may be......but to judge and make snide comments on situations, or "worry" about things that you know nothing about to me is just wrong.

Maybe one day explanations will be asked for, the truth will be told and who knows where it will go from there....maybe that day will never come - but I know that we can always live with the fact that he did what he believed was right....and that to us is all that matters.

I've been so busy recently that I haven't had much time to think about it all on a day to day basis which is great as it means I am making progress - but now I find I am dreaming about it loads. Dreaming about the future and having them in our lives (The Connection) or dreaming about running cos IT is chasing me - more like nightmares really. I have looked up being chased in Dreams Analyse and is said the following:
"Usually, when you experience a dream in which you are being chased, the cause behind it is anxiety, stress, or pressure in your life.......Many people will have reoccurring chase dreams – often being chased by the same type of predator – whenever they feel stressed or anxious about something.........If you are experiencing chase dreams, it is your body’s natural way of telling you to slow down and find ways to alleviate the stress............Try to understand where the points of stress or pressure are and take any actions you can to ease those situations.................Easing your stressful situation or learning to cope with the pressure may help you rid yourself of chase dreams."

Well, easing the stressful situation isn't an option!!!!!!!! Nothing I can do about that - so learning to cope (as I am trying to!) I hope it will work. I suppose perhaps the dreams will stop/lessen in time. I suppose as I am making an effort to not think about it as much it has to have an outlet - so the outlet for now is my dreams.....which I can cope with I suppose - Just frustrating waking up in a sweat at 2am!! I'm normally someone who goes to sleep and doesnt wake up til the alarm!

Got a busy month ahead though and plenty to concentrate on - and starting to do more exercise as well so perhaps thats something else that will help with the stress!! And looking forward to spending some time with the inlaws later this month.

Life is really good - I really appreciate what I have in my life. There is one thing missing - but one day they will be here. Sometimes you just have to wait for them to come to you. In the meantime we keep on smiling, keep on doing what makes us happy, providing a good future for us, for our future children and one day for them......... Always thinking of them and loving them. Noone and nothing can change that and I don't care if people don't believe it or it makes them angry to think I love them - tough - I do love them. I know the truth and I'm not in denial about who stopped it.