“They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.”

"A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are"

I listen to the radio most days at work. I prefer to have noise as it helps me concentrate. I hate it being quiet. Some days I hum along, some days I mime along to the words but the other day a song came on and I stopped and just listened.
It's a song I have heard a million times before....ok a million is an exaggeration but it was released in 1999 so I have heard it quite a few times over the past 10years but it had never really made any impact on me until this day. It's the words......they suddenly meant so much to me.

"You don't even know me
You say that I'm not living right
You don't understand me
So why do you judge my life?

Every time I turn around, there's something
People talking 'bout what they don't know

Who are you?
You say I'm not livin' right
You haven't walked in my shoes
I'm gonna move on
It's my life, it's my life"

Wow - if when I last wrote on here you'd have told me how much I'd have changed I wouldn't have thought it possible.

6 months have passed and I feel like a completely different person. It was almost as if on my wedding day all the past didn't matter and I transformed into this new person - not just in name and marital status but in mind too.

During the wedding breakfast, with my gorgeous husband sat by my side I looked around at the other 80 people in that room with us. Each and every single one of them I loved. We loved. They were there to join in with our happiness. In Church they agreed to support us and as I looked round I knew that each and every single one of them would and I would do the same for them.

The months leading up to the wedding were pretty stressful. There were many tears, many nights spent crying, many stressed phone calls to various members of my family and friends.....I never thought anything was going to go right. During that time I lost a good friend. I shed many a tear over the situation and it still fills me with sadness when I think about it now, but I am a big believer in everything happening for a reason and as many people told me it's times and things like this that show you your true friends. And it did. I lost a good friend, but I also gained and rebuilt friendships because of it too - and everyone who loved me and wanted to support me was there that day.

People tell you your wedding day is the best day of your life. And it is true. Although the day sped past and we were heading to bed before I knew it, it really was the best day ever. I don't think I have ever smiled so much!!

As I said above I do feel a completely different person. My life really has never been so good. I have amazing friends, a very busy social life (for the first time in a long time!!), I love my home, have no worries, and have the most amazing relationship with my husband. Because of this everything in life seems really good - like there really is nothing I can't get through as long as I have my husband, my family and my friends with me.

So perhaps the title of this blog isn't right anymore??? Have I learnt to live with The Hassle? Or is The Hassle done with forever..........??

Well I ended up doing more than I thought I would - but still had a lovely weekend of not much!!
Got lots to do this weekend, including the start of the "Big Sort Out" of all our junk and piles of paperwork.....but also got a friend...maybe two coming over Saturday to help me plan my hen night!!

But ooh - big news - I am officially getting old and boring!! I have ordered the dishwasher and bought a breadmaker ....as well as the slow cooker I got for Christmas!!! I am so excited about the dishwasher though!! It is going to make our lives soooooo much easier...and the kitchen wont look such a dump either when we haven't washed up for a day!! Breadmaker is still in its box and still in my car boot!! Must get it out before someone breaks in for it! haha!!

And I didn't go on Facebook for 24hours!!!!!!!! Progress!!! And I have removed some of the applications from Facebook mobile which meant people's updates were sent to me. Still get messages and wall posts and can still update my status via text....but I haven't done that for over 24 hours now too. Quite proud of myself.... I did log in at lunchtime but just was nosy for half hour then logged out. Wont be on tonight, tomorrow night or Friday so that's going to be a record if I manage to stay that long without updating my status...but going to try....got to get back into real life not virtual life.

And I am doing so well on not thinking about "the shit". OK so I obviously just thought about it if I know I am not thinking about it.....(does that even make sense??) But instead of sitting dwelling on bad things that have happened in my life like I used to - I don't do that. Instead my days and evenings are spent doing things I want to or need to do...I don't have time to sit and dwell anymore.

I am starting to like myself a lot more. I like myself, I like my life..........All is good!!!

It is FINALLY the weekend and a weekend where I have nothing to do and for the first time in what seems like ages I can relax and do pretty much NOTHING!!!!!!! I am sooooooo tired and just want to sleep. Intend on having my dinner tonight, then heading straight upstairs with some drinks, some chocolate and a magazine....TV will be on (got Sky in the bedroom) and then whatever time I fall asleep I fall asleep! (will make sure the chocolate isn't left on the bed though!) Have a few things to do but nothing major and nothing at a specific time - so can just go with the flow.

I feel knackered but I feel fab!!! Had such a wicked weekend last weekend again. Was so much fun. Saw loads of family members (both sides) and everyone was smiling and laughing and happy. Drank (which is unusual for me) danced, laughed, danced some more, laughed some more.......it was just brilliant!!! Don't think I was the only one who enjoyed myself either, everyone seemed to be having fun and I think the photos show that. What's the saying? - the camera never lies! This year seems to just be a barrel of fun and laughter for me (yes, I know, I know, we're only 16 days in!!)

And because I feel like I am having such a fab time I feel so so happy. Happier than I have in a very, very, very long time. One of my old work colleagues sent me a message through Facebook earlier in the week. She said she had been looking through my photos and was pleased to see me looking so relaxed and happy! That made me even happier as it must show I am happy - I am not just feeling happy (or pretending as has been suggested) I AM happy!!!! (does that make sense??!!) She also said it was a shame I couldn't have been that happy when I worked where I did with her. She is right - it is a shame. Wrong time in my life I think when I was there. It was at the height of all the shit and rough times - but won't dwell on that too much as I promised myself that I shut and firmly bolted the door on all the stresses and strains of the past few years and I am not going to let it or the people ever drag me down again. Another old school friend told me in a message this week that it is very clear from photos how happy and how much in love me and my fiance are. :D And WE ARE!!!!! Its not false, it's not bravado or whatever the word is - I feel like my life is f**king fantastic!!!!!!!!!!!!! And those who try to tell me otherwise - well they must just have problems in their own life if they have to over analyse mine.

I still haven't even been on the forum which I have amazed myself with. Was very tempted the other day when one of my Facebook friends who is a forum member referred to it in their status and I was tempted to go find out what they meant!!! But I didn't. I was strong.....I learned how to get along.....(That was an awful link wasn't it?!)

Oh and I have a school reunion coming up this year (possibly - date TBC), I am trying to get a lunch organised with the girls I used to work with in the summer, and last night I was invited out into Leeds with one of them next month which I am so excited for!!! January is all booked up, so is February, half of March, some of April, most of May, all of June and half of July!!!!!!! This year really is going to be the best I have had........possibly ever!!!!!!!!!!! (well 1999 will always be up there!)

So 2009 is finally here......and it started brilliantly!!!!!! That must be a good sign. If it started positively...laughing, having fun, smiling, with people I love.....then I believe that is setting the scene for how the year will continue for me. We had such a brilliant time....few days away, seeing family and friends, having fun, watching football, playing games.....it was just fabulous.

And I am doing so well too on all my "resolutions". I don't really like using the word resolutions....but I don't know how else to describe what I am trying to achieve.

Apart from accessing my Facebook via my phone I have dramatically reduced my internet use. Especially at work. Quite proud of myself there.
I have also avoided all sites where I know my profile is looked at by "The Hassle". I have not been on the sites or updated my profile. If I avoid these sites then IT will hopefully look for things less and less as time goes on.

I have not been on the forum I had been using regularly (read that as using nearly every day for 2 and a half years!!!) - I have not been on since I decided to leave just before Christmas. I have missed it and I haven't. I have missed reading what people are up to but quite a few of them I can catch up with through texting, email and Facebook so it isn't too bad......but I feel alot less stressed. I don't worry about being judged anymore and worrying about how someone will decide to take what I have written - especially when sometimes people are so paranoid/guilty/self-conscience/egotistical (not sure which) that they think things I write is referring to them. I had enough harassment before, I do NOT need to put myself in a situation where what I am saying might provoke an unnecessary, angry, accusing private message from someone. So the best thing to do was leave and not leave myself in a harassing situation again. Suppose you could say I have learnt by my mistakes.

I have made quite an effort with how I have been dressing, trying to get into a good skincare routine...(can't be a big spotty mess on our wedding day can I?!) - and at home...well I am shocked at the effort both me and my fiance have put in. Lots of silly little DIY jobs have been done, we are on top of all of our housework (which is extremely unusual!) and we have both been progressing with wedding plans and house plans......I am very proud with how organised and productive we are both being. Just hope it continues!!!!!!! And we are about to order a dishwasher....!! I know its so lazy and uses more water etc etc etc but I can't even begin to explain the difference it will make in our lives....especially when he is on funny shifts and we are both in the house at different times so we are eating on our own..... Ordering it on Monday so should hopefully have it within the next couple of weeks...woohoo!!!!!

My new hours at work are helping loads too. It is a bit of a shock to the system getting up at 6am again but being home before 5pm feels great already! My evenings feel so much longer and on the days my fiance is off work (which he is at the moment) it will mean we have alot more time together and actually have time in the evenings to do things if we wanted instead of slob on the sofa in front of the TV!!!!

I have made a pact with 2 of my best friends that we will see each other for tea once every 2 months at least. We'll take it in turn as to who's house we go to - got the first one booked for Feb and I am seeing them at this end of the month too for a night out!! Then arranged for some other friends to come to us for dinner one night, I've got my hen night and then a friend's hen night, definitely 2 weddings (on top of my own) to go to ....maybe 3 if another mate sorts herself out!!! Two 30th birthday parties....possibly a Christening.......seeing Take That - TWICE!!!!!!..........my social life is going to be a whirlwind this year and we're only 9 days in!!

So - that's enough babble about me and my life in 2009!!!!!!!
I just know its going to be a fab fab year!!!!!!! :D
xxx